Strike Two...

So I'm taking my second chance at the sterile field competency and touch a paper not sterile without catching it, and i'm failed! Last time (the first) i slipped a few times before the instructor called it. But this particular instructor is trying to get rid of me, and now she has the perfect opportunity. I know i sound a little paranoid, but believe me, after i failed i had quite a few tell me, they were expecting it, because of her. So if i don't pass that damn comp next wk, i fail the class. Sooooo i can w/draw before, and get a W or try again w/a pass or fail or go on or w/draw, but i have to try again before the drop date on Tues. I'm prob babbling, but i have to see what my options are. I have been sucking up a major crying fit, cuz i just don't want to fall apart again. Please forgive me those who have called, i need to pull it together a little before i call you back. So that's the crap for now. Not sure which way is up right now. Will blog later.

(P.S. Make sure you read the words under the photo carefully or you'll miss it!)

Dang, it's been a tough week. Today was fun, it was an all day skills day, but also a competency for sterile wound care. I thought i was sooo ready, but when i got in there, i just got so dang nervous, and I failed. such a drag. You know part of my problem was that the instructor kept talking to me (via patient) and i was trying to answer her "therapeutically" and remember everything. I turned my back TWICE, touched a non-sterile spot with a sterile glove, touched a non sterile paper to get swabs out (which i had taped upside down!) oh heck! Now I have to do a REAL wound! Eeeeek, and i thought this was stressful!


My meeting with the dean went really well, and her facial expressions were priceless when i told her the reasons that the other nameless instructors told me i might consider withdrawing. She was just so surprised and didn't feel that it warranted a withdrawal. She was pretty bugged at one prof. for telling me about her "feelings", or "intuition" or whatever she called it, saying that she didn't feel that her feelings lie. So it went well, but it did come right on the tail of failing the comp. so i was rather emotional to begin with. But she did not see reason for W. So there you have it. I'm still feeling bugged about not passing today. So I'm still rollercoastering. I have until Monday to decide, but failing is really not gonna hurt me in any way. If i do fail, i can petition it to be removed after i take the class again. This coming wk, we'll have a new clin instructor for our last 3 clinicals, and the dean said she is wonderful, and full of kindness and empathy, so i should be able to make it. Thanks everyone for your well wishing and prayers!

meet w/dean tomorrow

Watch out, she's gonna blow! I met w/ nurse mentor who's advice was to stick in there, and i will meet w/dean tomorrow, we'll see what she says. I'm feeling a little schizo about it. it depends on the hour of the day. Just finished my 2 compet. care plans to turn in tomorrow, turned in research essay yesterday, doing sterile technique comp. tomorrow, have another exam Mon..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh plz pray for me! AND... it's my 19th anniv. today! i could barely take time to enjoy it, so we've set a date for later this wknd.

...It's not looking good...

Met for my midterm eval. today, and prev mentioned instructor made sure to check needs improvement in almost every column. This with only 2 clinical days for this quarter. Then she hands me a paper with the date to withdraw by. She did a lot of assuming that i didn't really want this (nursing school), that i am not putting in the time etc. Pretty much digging my hole deeper...for me. I have to decide whether to W by next monday, AND we don't have another clinical (where i was supposed to be able to prove myself) until the Wed. following that date. So....crap, i may just have to do this quarter again. She said i will fail the whole 193 class if i fail the clinical aspect, even though i'm getting a high B on everything else in the class. That didn't seem right. i could of course understand retaking the class if i fail the clinical aspect, but not an F in the class. So i'm going to meet with the director, the mentor and a counselor to see my options. (which are few at this point.) Crap, crap, crap.

...well, maybe two days..

I didn't do any school/nursing stuff for the last two days. I just needed to try to regroup i guess. I will get my bootstraps on today, since i couldn't find them previously and will begin my paper and care plan competency. I am still feeling a bit crappy, but hey wouldn't you? Anyhoo, i'll fill you in later as i progress.

I was jumped......

Today as i dropped into school to turn in some paperwork, I had both clinical instructors suggest a little chat, just the 3 of us. (cozy eh?) So i said, "ah this can't be good. You're not gonna gang up on me are you?" But they did. For the next half hour, I heard about all my short comings in clinical. It seems I am at point D when I ought to be at point oh..... P. This was not good to hear since I feel like I've been working my tail off as it is. I thought, that everyone was struggling with the same stuff as I. But my prev instructor had been pointing out to new clin instructor (no names please) my foibles of last quarter. I didn't think they would follow, and bite me on my proverbial butt. But lucky for me (sarcasm here) the old instructor makes sure to let the new know because it is a pattern. I will not go into ALL the details but it boiled down to this... If i can't get myself to point P right away, I will have to repeat the whole frickn' semester! All that work for almost nothing. Even though I am getting B's in everything, passed every competency thus far, never been late on any assignment or missed any test, i can still get kicked out. So I've been doing a lot of crying today. Miss H lets me know, don't worry, you have a couple wks before you'd have to withdraw if that's necessary. That's not so dang comforting when the sem is done after 3 more clinicals! I had been counting down, to get through all this stress, and now that countdown may be a joke. I'm so hurt right now, and feel so dang incompetent. So I'm gonna cry in my tea tonight, and pick up myself tomorrow. Would love some encouragement from all. Thanks!

How come no one ever comments???

I'm ever so lonely!

I got my Gero exam back w/ a B! Yeah! Especially since i was studying with a flu induced brain! Well what a relief that was. Now i need to focus on my Pharm exam, which is scaring the crud out of me, let me tell you. It is on the ANS, and i had a hard enough time w/that in Physio! So I will be studying that until i puke. Exam monday, plz pray for me. Our clinicals got cancelled this wk due to JACHO (sp.?) which was lucky for me since i had missed 2 days of classes (w/lots of demo's) so i was able to get caught up a bit today, learning sterile field, and removing an I.V. That's all for now, i wanna go watch bones.

I love this season

but the studying is killing me. okay well i'm not dead yet, but it's so sad when you start thinking in med jargon.

Ex. "i need to get oob"

I have a flu today, and i tell my kids i'm diaphoretic.

there's more than that but sadly my mind is not working at top speed right now since i feel soo crappy. I have an exam on Monday so i am attempting to study, haha, that's kinda funny when you feel so funky. picture of my flu above....

Hey I passed my second math compet on my second try! Yeah for me! Now I can give oral meds next wk!

this wk oughtta be fun since i will be in the subacute unit. This part of the hospital has long term patients that need more acute care than SNF's. Most pat's are older but it varies. They mainly have some sort of brain damage whether from CVA's or traumas. I think it will be interesting but sad. I will really have to work at keeping some distance so my heart doesn't break.



this last wk, i was in med surg with a gastric bypass pat. she was pretty healthy, so it was a pretty easy day, and interesting. Half of our group gave meds, so i will do that next wk for the first time, that should be fun. then i will hopefully do my med competency later that day. Well that's it for me. Hope you are all well.